More Ninja Sightings

Signs are going up everywhere. People are more on the alert. Denali, Alaska, need I say more? It should be Denial, Alaska!

Yes, the hikers didn’t mention anything about Ninjas, but why exactly were they wandering around for so long? Was it just a case of getting lost? Or were there more nefarious reasons underlying their lostness? And if it was a case of Ninja, why on earth did they make it out alive? Did you see the one woman’s terrified look? It was almost as if what she really wanted to say was just too horrifying to say, as if she was under duress and couldn’t reveal the whole truth for fear of instant and I mean instant reprisal! It’s quite possible this is all just a big warning…they are out there and they are dangerous. People beware!

If you’re going hiking, make sure you have done some of the Ninja sighting practice on this website. Consider if Ninja were using shark suits for beach attacks, what animal would they be tempted to dress up like in the forest?

Probably not an animal that only walks on all fours since that would be tough to do for any length of time.  So that means squirrels, rabbits, wolves are out, deer too.  More than likely that leaves you with a bear! Yes, they also walk on all fours, but bears also will walk solely on their hind feet as well. If you see any bear while hiking and they are acting suspicious such as walking a little too much on their hindfeet or if they are by chance wearing a Ninja mask, or if they are holding a sword in their hand then you probably ought to run like the dickens cause they’re most likely not a bear and will want to shut you up for discovering their evil trickery!

Also, be careful of park rangers who seem a little too eager for you to leave the trails and try real hiking or give you really yummy tempting trail snacks laced with some sort of hallucinogen or sleep inducer so they can lead you astray and then wait for you to walk into their sneaky trap, lost, disoriented and easy pickings for a Ninja star to the head!

Boy scouts too! Ninja are recruiting young these days. If any boy scout troop passes you on a trail, you might just ask which troop they’re with, what’s the hardest badge they ever had to earn, or what’s their favorite girl scout cookie–or girl scout, etc. If they give a long Ninja-like pause as if they’re meditating the answer, one way you can tell is if they take off their shirt and then douse themselves in a waterfall while doing these clever hand signals, you can be they’re trying to get the answer spiritually and then you know they are agents of death and mayhem and you need to haul out of there faster than what you’ll probably be able to do since Ninja are by far faster and sneakier than you are.

Oh, and one last hint about catching Ninja in bear suits, just look on the trail and see if you see any bear claws if you do, look at their poop. Is it bear poop or human poop, believe me, they smell and look very different and shouldn’t be too hard to differentiate–besides you should know what human poop smells like–any human is an expert in identifying and smelling his own poop.  Believe me, we all act like it’s so disgusting when we see other people’s poop, but we all know it because we’ve seen and smelled our own!  So stop acting like a pansy and identify it–cause bear poop will definitely not smell like a humans!  But care should be taken.  Some Ninja know that if there are bear claws then there should be bear poop, they may be using special equipment usually found with PlayDough kits for kids that allow them to mold their poop into other shapes and sizes thus fooling those who would never stop and smell poop for a second opinion.  The only way you’re going to know if it’s Ninja or bear poop is put your nose down there and check!  Eyesight alone will not save you this time.

Plus, you should be able to tell if it’s Ninja ’cause they’ll be using STEALTH Toilet Paper, of course you may have some difficulty finding their poop if they’re using STEALTH TP, but chances are if there are bear claws and either no poop or human poop or bear-looking poop that still smells like human poop, then you know they’re really not bears, but Ninjas on the prowl.

If you’re going swimming please refer to the Ninja Conspiracy post about what to do if Ninja in shark suits attack you.

Lastly, if you’re a Ninja, beware, the public is on to you and it’s only a matter of time before your unseeness may be compromised!

~ by najashi on June 22, 2008.